Please kindly note that this letterbox does suffer from IBS (Irritable Box Syndrome)

This letter box does not accept the following:

Paper – It clearly says on the letterbox it’s 100% paperless

No Political or Election Material

No fast food menus

No Junk Mail – the letter box decides what is junk mail and what isn’t junk mail. Attempting to justify your junk mail with the letterbox hoping it has made a mistake, will result in disappointment, we don’t recommend trying, it’s never wrong

Attempting to justify junk mail with the occupant(s) is also fruitless – if the letterbox overhears, it may attack you next time you try or bite the next user of the letterbox and it’s not fair on the next person

Please note the letterbox only performs letterbox functions – attempts to use it as a door knocker either will severely upset it as well – if you value your fingers, we don’t recommend trying

If you attempt to use the letterbox as a doorknocker, an extended delay of door answering/opening will apply. The door, is a fire door, is in a block flats – there must be sounds all the time, why do you think there’s a doorbell. The doorbell helpfully lets us know when you press the button – there is a little light on the button to helpfully let you know that you have been successful in pressing it

A junk mail reading fee of £500 will be charged per item. Once it’s discovered to be junk mail, a further fee of £500 applies to perform the task of “where do I recycle this peace s**t” and “how much money did these idiots pay to print this s**t”. If you fail to pay within 28 days, you’ll receive a summons from the county court. Any fees will be donated to charity of my choice