Please kindly note that this letterbox does suffer from IBS (Irritable Box Syndrome) *
This letter box does not accept the following:
Paper – It clearly says on the letterbox it’s 100% paperless
If you’re having difficulty telling if your junk mail item is paper, here’s some more helpful information:
No Political or Election Material
No fast food menus
No Junk Mail – the letter box decides what is junk mail and what isn’t junk mail. Attempting to justify your junk mail with the letterbox hoping it has made a mistake, will result in disappointment, we don’t recommend trying, it’s never wrong
You need the letterboxes consent to use it, attempting to use when it says no, will make us think you don’t ask for consent and are a r@pist
Attempting to justify junk mail with the occupant(s) is also fruitless – if the letterbox overhears, it may attack you next time you try or bite the next user of the letterbox and it’s not fair on the next person
Please note the letterbox only performs letterbox functions – attempts to use it as a door knocker either will severely upset it as well – if you value your fingers, we don’t recommend trying. The letterbox might even tell the doorbell not work for 5 minutes just to annoy you even more
If you attempt to use the letterbox as a doorknocker, an extended delay of door answering/opening will apply. The door, is a fire door, is in a block flats – there must be sounds all the time, why do you think there’s a doorbell. The doorbell helpfully lets us know when you press the button – there is a little light on the button to helpfully let you know that you have been successful in pressing it. I mean you were able to put a circle block in a circle hole when you were 5 – and this is just a button
It’s not the letterboxes job to tell us you’ve dumped a parcel at the door and left, kindly use the doorbell, we’re not under lockdown with COVID and we don’t want your germs either. How could you be a courier and never seen porch pirates on YouTube? I’m not paying for Am*z*n Prime to guess when something gets delivered. People try and be in for a delivery, why disappear without telling me you’ve delivered it? If you grew up during COVID, people used to ring people’s doorbell and hand them their parcel, only because of COVID do people drop the parcel and disappear
As I live in a block of flats, I don’t expect to have to go down to the bottom floor to collect it there, I’m already baffled why I have to meet an UberEats driver downstairs, and guess where you are, if I lived in a house, where would the driver leave my food? Why when I get an Uber the taxi driver can find me fine, but the UberEats guy has been streets away. Come on Uber, give both Uber and UberEats equal access to GPS
* A junk mail reading fee of £500 will be charged per item. Once it’s discovered to be junk mail, a further fee of £500 applies to perform the task of “where do I recycle this piece of s**t” and “how much money did these idiots pay to print this s**t”. If you fail to pay within 28 days, you’ll receive a summons from the county court. Any fees will be donated to charity of my choice
Furthermore, if you do deliver an item of junk mail, we will have to never order anything from you. I mean nobody buys stuff from spammers and cold sales calls for a reason!